![]() ![]() ![]() That includes “lazy.” When you call a teen ‘lazy’ he feels hurt, unjustly criticized, and misunderstood. What to do? First, no matter how frustrated you might feel, don’t call him any four-letter words. Right now, however, your son realizes you can no longer force him to do his work, and he has an internal lack of motivation for what’s offered in school, so he is having trouble connecting that to his future. As the child grows more independent, we hope he will integrate this body of truths and facts into his own goals and direction. In addition to the aforementioned hurdles, your son is butting heads with what our society deems a proper education. According to Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner, individual and societal success requires children to absorb the knowledge and skills that society deems necessary. This predicament is not of his own choosing. ![]() ![]() Winning the approval of you or his teachers may not be enough to push your son over the hump of boredom and indifference. However, he is not particularly motivated by pleasing others. This trait will not deny him a satisfying life. Your situation is even more challenging because your longer full question suggests that your son is less invested in social relationships than are most teens. As Plato said, “Education is teaching children to desire the right things.” Part of going to school is learning how to learn and do things that do not interest you. You pose a thorny (and common) question: How can you encourage (or force) a teen with attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD) to learn things that don’t interest him? If you took a poll, I imagine at least one-third of students in every class in every high school in the country would tell you they could not care less about the subject being taught. Q: “Hello, I am the mother of a very bright teen with ADHD who has NO motivation at all… and who says to me, ‘I have no idea how to get motivated when it is things I am not interested in.’ I have not found any strategies that help and my husband and many teachers think he is just “lazy.” I do not want to make excuses for him I want to help him help himself and I don’t know how.” -YoYo Mom ![]()
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